How are you? People ask all the time, but do they really care to know? Or is it just a polite way to start a conversation or an email? Being that I have a blog I figured I could answer that question for myself and others, sending it out to cyberspace and let it fall where it may.
Looking back this has not been a very good year. Fatigue has plagued me constantly. It comes out of nowhere and plops on me like a large elephant, leaving me immobile and suffocating. I try to move through my daily activities but I can't. I try to get dressed and run errands but the thought of such a thing is monumental. So I curl up in my easy chair - sometimes with a book, sometimes not......sometimes to watch TV, sometimes to sit in silence. When the elephant decides to move off me and I feel a slight burst of energy, I hurry through the chores that await me.......the dishes, the dirty bathroom, or the laundry piled high. But I must work fast because I know the energy won't stay long, unlike the troublesome elephant that does not hesitate to linger on and on.
This week I had 3 wonderful invitations. One was to take a friend and housesit in Ventura, another to go with my daughter and spend the weekend in San Diego and the 3rd was to go away for a woman's weekend at the coast. I turned down all three. Oh, I want to go all those places - they are all by the ocean which I love. But accepting anyone of them means being social. I'm expected to smile and participate and enjoy and although I want to do all those things I never know when that pesky elephant will show up! The sheer size of him casts a dark shadow over me and the tremendous weight weighs me down to where all I can do is find the nearest easy chair to curl up in. Talking becomes an effort. When people see me like that they feel bad and want to do something to make it better. Or they don't understand and make light of my lethargy. Either way I don't want to put myself or others through the ordeal of trying to tame my elephant. He's in my life and I have to live with him, but I don't have to impose him on others.
So, how am I? That depends on my energy level. Energy has become my greatest commodity. When I have some I need to spend it wisely because these days I don't have much. But I am so grateful for the energy I do have and for the friends that help me conserve what I have by driving me to church or to the store. Grateful for my daughter who consistently brings over food . Grateful for my granddaughter who comes over to clean for me. Grateful for my faith that keeps me hoping and praying and praising God.